Magical moments of recovery

I’ve had a tough day fertility-wise. I had a fleeting thought earlier that I could buy something on the way home and purge it. Not a binge necessarily but just to get the relief feeling I get (or more accurately, think I get) from purging. Soon after I must have gotten distracted by work and it’s only now, long after I’ve eaten my dinner and had a cup of tea and some chocolate that I remembered I was thinking about purging earlier. Instead I came home, ate dinner, talked to a friend, got into bed for an early night with a good book. I forgot about that fleeting ED thought and it is still miraculous to me that that can happen. But it can, because I eat enough and my body is at its healthy weight and I am no longer hungry and obsessed. And wow it feels good. It doesn’t always feel good being in this body, but in these magical moments when I am happily tucked up in bed satisfied instead of cleaning away signs of shame in the bathroom and wondering when it will ever stop, it feels really good. Just keep on keeping on through recovery, it is worth it.