So today I was in the library from 10am to 6pm. I’d had a bad night’s sleep but have a Tuesday deadline. I took yesterday off and while I kind of regretted it when I realised how much work I had to do today, I also know that taking one day off a week is necessary for my health.
I got about halfway through my work, which means I still have a day’s work left, but only tomorrow morning to do it in as I’m covering for someone at work tomorrow afternoon. I had yoga scheduled for 7pm and debated whether I should go or stay and work. I also had date night with my boyfriend afterwards and wondered what the consequences of cancelling that would be (pretty crap I imagine as he we haven’t really had any quality time lately).
Old me would have stayed in the library, cancelling yoga and date, skipping dinner and staying up till all hours. This would have resulted in me being thrown for the week, starting exhausted and never catching up. I would have seen this as worth it before. Truthfully I would have considered it my only option, not doing this wouldn’t have crossed my mind.
But now, I’m learning to recognise my edges. I’m learning that I’m not invincible and that being able to pull all nighters and skip meals doesn’t make me a better, more dedicated, hardcore student. It means I messed up my time management somewhere along the way (I can pinpoint three different times I procrastinated over the last 2 weeks- sigh) and that I need to find a sensible way to deal with this that still allows me to keep myself together, to sleep and eat.
So I went to yoga, I set my intention as recgognising my edges and didn’t try to push through. It was a lovely gentle class (it’s restorative yoga so lots of props and blankets and fairy lights and soothing music, perfect for a Sunday evening). I came home and had dinner with my boyfriend. We sorted through our Christmas decorations in preparation for getting our tree next week. I went to bed at 9 and read for a while and now I’m heading to sleep.
The work still needs doing, it hasn’t gone away, but I have renewed myself for facing it tomorrow. The alarm is set for 5am but I will be fed and rested and calm. My edges are not my limitations, they’re just my limits, and staying within my limits means I am a healthier happier person. I’m no longer ashamed of not being able to push through.
Goodnight all, I hope you’ve managed to be kind to yourself today too.