In my non-ED world I am really trying to make an effort with considering the sustainability of the planet. I have successfully avoided single use coffee cups for nearly a year now, I generally avoid single use plastic bottles (the occasional bottle of diet coke sneaks in..,), I shop at a fruit and veg store to avoid plastic at supermarkets, I refill cleaning products at a zero waste shop and for my sins I have even experimented with menstrual cups (although they’re not quite yet my friend).
When it comes to my ED though I am at odds with these values. A binge is so wasteful, both for the obvious reason of ingesting food just to throw up, but also because of all the packaging, I am definitely not making decisions about what to buy based on reduced packaging, and once the binge is over I have to face the waste around me which just adds to the guilt.
This is relevant for when I’m in restriction mode also: I end up wanting to buy pre packaged ‘safe foods’ and single serve portions as I am afraid of larger sizes. I buy food and then don’t use it so it gets wasted (although I do try to freeze but it’s not always possible).
My ED conflicts with so many of my values; sustainability is just one of them. Unfortunately this just adds to my guilt and shame, which then increases need for ED behaviour to deal with negative feelings (‘cos yeah, haven’t mastered how to do this otherwise) and on goes this dreadful cycle. But there is a way out, I’ve figured it out before, and I just need to channel my concern about waste to make better choices. First step is admitting it – so here it is!