Driving with my button open

I bought new jeans last week and today is my second time wearing them. After about 20 minutes in the car I could feel the waistband pinching in to me so I opened the top button to give my belly a bit of room. My first feeling about this was disgust, that I have gained so much weight that now my jeans are too tight for me. That I’m a worthless, useless human being who just can’t keep her weight in check. These are the same brand of jean I’ve worn for the past few years so it’s not the jeans, it’s just me and my ginormous horrible belly.

Thirty minutes later with a coffee, and some time to reflect, I’m kind of laughing at myself. So what if my jeans are a bit tight? In this moment I only have a couple of options – one, deal with it and open my button when they’re feeling too tight – two, wait and see if they loosen out a little after a few wears – three, accept that I need to buy a bigger size and buy it now and suck up the wasted money or four- keep getting upset about it and let a stupid jean button dictate my life.

What a crappy option number four is. My life is far to big and full for that kind of attitude now. Who cares if I open my button when I need to? (don’t worry, modesty wise I have a long t-shirt on!) Who cares if I wear a size bigger? I want to be the type of person who accepts their body for what it is and doesn’t buy into the thin ideal. I want to show other women and girls that any body is okay, that size does not equate to worth. I can’t do that if I’m crying in my car about my top button being open.

So I’m going for option one today and in time might consider buying the next size up if needed – this feels terrifying to me – but it is a sensible solution to what is really a small problem in the grand scheme of life. Like seriously, do I want to live a life where I have to blog about the size of my jeans?!

Still learning…

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Driving with my button open

  1. It’s what I’m trying to do too. I woke up today feeling very water retentive. Felt like hiding in my room all day and ignoring the world. But instead I go my shorts on and hit the gym after thinking about wearing baggy sweats (who cares apart from me)? I just went in and did my thing, watched a great documentary on pootube whilst hammering the lateral trainer before core work and felt thankful that I had, rather than mithering all day about feeling fluffy and what people must think of my disgusting bingo wings. It’s so hard to explain how it takes over the mind and becomes such a fixation; i guess all we can try are the things we haven’t in order to find a better way of being. I know my problem was continuing to stick to a plan where the outcome never changed but for some daft reason, I believed it would. Great post. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow I relate to this so much right now. I bought my first pair of size 5 jeans. I’d been forcing my growing backside into my 0’s and 2’s for a year and was amazed at how the right size changed my confidence. I still struggle to admit that I may never fit into my 0’s again but feeling comfortable in my own clothes definitely helped the confidence level in this current state of physical limbo while I figure out a healthy size. So proud of you and keep unbuttoning as long as you need!

    Liked by 1 person

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