This isn’t what I wanted for my life 

I go to bed tonight with a sore throat, a heavy heart, wet eyes and bleeding skin.

This isn’t what I wanted for my life. I thought I was stronger than this right now. I thought if I kept fighting it would be okay.

I know this is just a knock. I know it’s a bad day, a bad night. I know I will wake up tomorrow regretful but renewed. I know I will keep going, but right now I can’t help but think that this is not what I wanted for my life. It doesn’t matter though, what I think tonight, what matters is tomorrow morning getting up and facing it all again. 

I will wake up in the morning and face it all again because that is what recovery is, step by step, day by day. What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while, and everyday I shall try. 

Tonight will pass and tomorrow will come, at least I can be sure of that.


5 thoughts on “This isn’t what I wanted for my life 

  1. This too, shall pass. It will. I promise you. The determination and commitment to your recovery, your freedom from this horrid monster, shines through in your posts. I know you can break the mould. It isn’t easy but you’re doing it. Step by step, tiny victory by tiny victory, you are reclaiming yourself. The old cliche, the worst day in recovery is still better than the best day of your illness.
    In the morning, you dust yourself off and start afresh. If I did it (and sometimes still have to), you can too. You deserve to be well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much and you’re so right about there worst day in recovery etc, I needed to hear that. This comment was an inspirational way to start my day- thank you!


  2. Ah well, I suppose I ought to have read ahead before commenting to the last post? I’m sorry things didn’t go well. But the positive is that you did go out! I like what another commenter said: tiny victory by tiny victory. For me, if a small piece of something goes awry I consider the whole thing a failure, but is it? I want to start looking at small victories, even if they are wrapped in difficulties. You may not feel like it but you are quite inspiring in this regard. Thank you.


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