A pledge to myself

I’m going out for dinner with friends tonight and I’ve been super anxious about it. I’m really trying not to purge at the moment but going out for meals is always a difficult one. 

I don’t want to eat too much and then purge.

I don’t want to not eat enough so that I come home and binge and purge. 

I don’t want to drink too much that my mood plummets.

I want to be able to enjoy time with my friends and not be obsessing over food//weight/body thoughts. 

I’m in a panic trying to find something to wear that I feel comfortable with and I’ve already made myself late. 

Some days I can breeze through this, and some days like today it just really gets me. These are good friends. Both know about my ED history and one is aware it’s a little more current than historic at the moment, I don’t know if that’s why. The reason doesn’t really matter though as I am going to 

-get dressed 

-show up

-eat

-laugh

-be mindful  of drinking 

-not purge 

That’s my pledge to myself for tonight! 

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7 thoughts on “A pledge to myself

    1. It turns out I can’t. ‘Shame’ doesn’t even come close to how I feel right now. Taking all the strength I have to think this won’t be my life forever. Deep breaths.

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  1. I hope you had a nice evening with your friends. It gives me hope that I can actually do this someday. I don’t go out and socialize anymore. However, I still struggle with getting dressed. It’s not all the time, which is improvement, but still many times. Sometimes I change and change just so I can look like I got up and just threw on some comfy clothes! Sigh. I found the solution for when I’m at home though – I simply stay in my PJs, lol.

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