This is a genuine question! I saw my GP today and he mentioned he had seen my notes about me going into panic mode after being weighed. I told him it threw me completely for a day but I managed to pull it together and get back on track. He said it’s clear that I’m learning from the process and that I’m able to reformulate experiences with a recovery mindset now. He told me I’m doing well and that I will beat this as long as I stay motivated and engaged.
I left the appointment feeling sad and anxious. I took the feelings on a run to get to make sense of them. I had a bath with them, lighting some candles and doing ‘self-care’ to get used to them. I ate dinner with them, even though they were telling me not to. I’m now in bed, but they are still there, looking at me, trying to bring me down.
I’m worried about how bad being told I’m doing well makes me feel.
I’m worried I’ve become attached to my counsellor and GP and that if I get better I will miss them. Am I feeling sad about that inevitable loss?
Is it ED twisting my thoughts telling me that doing better equates to being greedy and weak?
Am I angry that being told I’m doing well simplifies the torment I go through some days to make the ‘right’ (for life, not ED) decisions?
Why is it that being told I’m doing well makes me feels this way? Am I just being attention seeking?
Is this ‘normal’? Does anyone else feel the same? I want to get better, I want to make progress, yet I don’t want to be told I’m doing well. What is up with that?
Answers on a postcard…