Oh scales, how I shall miss you

I am currently only be meant to be weighing myself once a week. Well ideally, not outside of counselling appointments at all, but because of the gaps between them (and my inability to wait that long!) we’ve settled on once a week.

Currently I’m weighing myself about 4/5 times a day. I’m not particularly bothered by the number, but it’s this weird curiosity about needing to know. I get that my weight fluctuates, but there’s something reassuring about knowing it at various points of the day. However my counsellor thinks this is just ED making excuses and I need to ignore it. I had managed to reduce it to a few times a week, or even less, over the past year but since I’ve been living on my own it has creeped back up. 

My counsellor is adamant I need to take this step to show that I am committed to the process she is engaging me in. So, after two checks this morning I packaged up my scale and have tucked it away under the stairs. 

I’m now getting into bed and automatically went to step in the scales, only to find them gone. Argh! I’m really bloated and really think I would feel better by checking my weight. I really want to dig them out, but I also want to show I can manage one day without them. I trust my counsellor and maybe if I’m struggling with even one day, just maybe she has a point? 

So the scales and are taking a break until next Tuesday. I’ll miss you scales!’

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16 thoughts on “Oh scales, how I shall miss you

  1. When I have gotten to bad points I’ve had somebody else hide the scales. Lol But sometimes it is better to give yourself a little wiggle room or a “cheat” once a week or day so that you don’t burn out and end up back in an endless obsessive cycle. The bloating part of recovery is the absolute worst for me. Every time my period rolls around I have high anxiety and low self-esteem due to the bloating, but I just tell myself that I only have to wait a few days for it to go away and then I’ll feel fantastic when everything is back to normal. 🙂

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    1. I have had offers from friends to keep the scales for me but I can’t let myself do it, it’s like I think the scales will talk to them about my weight when I’m not there! I have thrown my scales out before, and written lots of great messages on them, given them to my nurse etc but I’ve ended up buying a new set anyway that now I really feel it’s safer for me to have some around. I’ve 6 weeks until my next appointment so once a week is there goal until then. It looks like I’ve swallowed a football right now, it’s probably the fruit I’ve eaten, tried to add in dessert but it’s backfired on me!

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      1. Trust yourself with this! I think once a week is a pretty darn good goal. I’ve had that happen adding different foods back in, my dietitian husband had me take some pacreatin recently and it is really helping. I don’t know why it works but you could ask the doctors about that to help with bloating.

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  2. I used to weigh myself 30-40 times per day … don’t miss those tyrannical bullies of your illness. Let go of them entirely, give up their false promise of safety, give up with their reign, power and rules ‘I will be fine if my weight stays .5lb above by 6pm.’ We both know their power, don’t minimise it with just wanting to know the number because we both know that knowing the number is our worth, our scale of whether we deserve to eat, deserve happiness, nourishment or right to take up space on this earth.

    Scales equal safety but they also equal our unsanitary when we are in the food.

    One of the biggest things I did was slowly give up the scale. I haven’t weighed myself since Nov 30th …..my clothes fit fine but my mood is so much more positive without a number wreaking havoc in my head …

    Maybe this could be the habit that you break that enables you to live life on life’s terms xxx

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    1. First reaction is whoa, since November 30th, that is so impressive, go you! My second reaction though is that it’s fine for you because your thin anyway, but I have a feeling that is ED’s reaction not mine. My weight is healthy and that’s a good thing. I’m not ready yet to completely let go but I’ve taken a step in the right direction on this one at least! Again, go you and your awesomeness.

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      1. Newsflash. I ain’t thin, my ed looks a lot like yours…Secondly, only advocating what worked for me so understand your recovery is not my recovery. And last, maybe just putting it out there, that you can do this and the scale can play no more in your life … it’s another part of the disorder that can be pus to bed.

        Sorry if I sounded condescending, it truly wasn’t my intention Flower xx

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      2. Oh no I didn’t think you sounded condescending at all! Sorry if my reply was snappy! Stupid text communication! I’m genuinely impressed, and every step that I see other people successful make inspires me that I can do the same. We will have different recoveries, but neither of them will involve a relationship with our scales, life is full of far better things!

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  3. You are doing the right thing by putting the scale away. You’re giving yourself a little bit of freedom from the ED. I remember my morning weigh-ins everyday at home…and I let the scale decide if it was going to be a good day or not. It took time but I finally got to a place in recovery where I actually took a hammer and smashed my scale. It felt amazing. I no longer own a scale and haven’t for two years. I am curious to know my weight and sometimes I slip up and weigh myself elsewhere. Overall though, it’s better for me not to have a scale on hand. It takes the pressure off.

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  4. Go MQR!!!! You can do it !!! Sometimes when I want to NOT want to weigh myself I put my hand on my heart and take three deep breaths and it calms me enough to step away xxx courage and respect xxx Em

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  5. I completely relate – I have simultaneous fear of the number yet desperation to know what I weigh. Perhaps a false sense I can maintain control if I know how much I weigh throughout the day but it really is the ED telling us lies. Not knowing my weight when I was away was incredibly hard but after the first week I felt much better not knowing. However now I’m back I’m struggling to put my scales away but if you can do it, I definitely can too!

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