I just nearly got caught purging after a mini-binge. Probably one of the closest misses I’ve had. I was in the bathroom finishing when I heard my mum get home. The evidence was on my bed still, had she not being bringing in the shopping I would have been caught.
I was racking my brains for a lie and realised I couldn’t come up with one. There was a split second when I thought I would just have to admit it and whatever fall-out would come, would come. But then I heard her go back out to the car and I had time to cover my tracks.
She’s gone straight out again now, leaving me to unpack the shopping, and calm myself down. I feel horrible, not just from the binging but from the secrecy and the deviousness that this illness brings out in me.
I have done 3 days of full meal plan and yet I still binged. My counsellor reassures me then when I eliminate restriction the binging will stop, but it’s tough to believe it on days like this. However, I know keeping moving forward is the only way to avoid feeling like this again. For now I just need to breathe and calm down!