Living on my own is starting to jeapordise my recovery. I’m going a few days without purging, then having a bad run, then having a few good days, then a bad streak again. Structured eating has kind of gone out the window. I’m not really making proper meals so seem to be permanently snacking, which makes me feel worse as I feel like I’m eating all the time but also isn’t actually enough to fuel me. On one hand things feel good and I’m in control of life, but I’m starting to be out of control again with eating/recovery.
I’ve been at this long enough now to know where this might lead me. I don’t want to be back there. I don’t want to be ill. I want to be thriving and living my lovely life. Recovery has stopped being a priority and it shows.
So, I have moved in with a friend, just for a couple of weeks to get back on track. I’m still keeping the house, and fully intend on getting back there and managing on my own, but right now desperate times call for desperate measures. My friend knows about my ED but probably thinks im more recovered than I am, she doesn’t know about the latest blips, I’ve just told her I could do with some company for a little while and she’s happy for me to stay as she lives on her own too (yes I have amazing friends).
I’m hoping this will get me over this a little hump and then I can start implementing more long-term maintenance solutions. I know I have to learn to do it on my own but right now that seems too big a step, so moving in with my friend and copying her “normal” eating habits (oh those incredible people that just get on with the complex task of eating three meals) seems like the best idea for right now.
Recovery takes actions, I can’t wish or talk myself better, so this is the action for right now! *rolls up sleeves and puts brace face on*
I’d like to hear what actions others have been taking- do share!