January

January is nearly done. Given the break-up before Christmas, the fact that it is usually a mad month in both my jobs and the dark nights,  I was kind of dreading this month. However now it’s nearly done, on reflection it has been okay, and even lovely in places in fact. Sometimes it’s worth stopping to notice the details to realise that the picture might look different that you were expecting.

  • I’m living on my own and have moved furniture around and done a big spring clean to make it feel like my home.
  • I have nearly got through all the work due, and I didn’t put my life on hold to get it done. I’m doing my best with this ‘balance’ thing!
  • I have been running regularly with my run friends and I’m so grateful for both my body and my fabulous life-saving friends. I am injury-free and determined to stay that way by not pushing too hard.
  • I am ‘in recovery from my eating disorder’. I saw my counsellor last week and yes while there have been blips (thank you everyone who helped me see these were just blips) I have taken some positive steps to stay well through this time of change and my counsellor helped me recognise these thing and feel proud of them. I didn’t balk when she described me as being ‘in recovery’. I AM in recovery, and that’s the goal, whatever ED is shouting at me.
  • I have put boundaries in place for people that, at the moment, are more draining than I can manage right now. It still feels selfish, but it also feels empowering to do it, and it means that I can get on with the thing above that help me get back to a place where I can help others.
  • Sleep has still be terrible but I am being strict with sleep hygiene and as work stress has reduced sleep has gone up- I slept 7 hours straight last night – hurrah! I feel like a new woman!
  • I’ve been doing ‘being an adult’ and have sorted bills and stuff like that – it was very tempting to procrastinate and hide from this but I didn’t and I feel so much better for it. “If you can’t get out of it, get into it”
  • I have been reading lots and lots: a mix of fiction and popular psychology stuff, and really enjoying it, I am really loving having  (making) time to just chill with a book, and it makes me feel so much better than mindlessly watching things on the laptop.

Okay that’s probably enough for now! This was probably a bit boring for others to read but it was helpful for me to write! Hope you are all doing okay.

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4 thoughts on “January

  1. oh girl! not boring to read at all! I’m totally proud of you and excited that such levels of composure and resilience are possible, I’m inspired to be honest. But I am also sorry that you’ve had to go through a break up xx I send gentle hugs to you for that – break ups hurt. BUT !! I am honestly so so so proud and glad to hear that you’re in recovery and that you’re not listening to the whatever the eating disorder is shouting. Recovery is where it’s at baby!!! Recovery is where we get to go swimming and running and enjoy being healthy and alive and take care of us! Fuck Relapsing!!! (apologies if the use of swear words is offensive – I have strong feelings in relation to this!) I personally love love love when I’m able to be an adult and tackle administration things !!! so I totally nod to your success in dealing with your bills. Excellent! I hope you rewarded yourself and acknowledged the skills inherent in handling such things.
    Also super well done on putting boundaries in place – its so important to mind yourself. I love to hear other people talking about having boundaries – I’m knew to the boundary game but its such an essential self-care skill.
    Aaaand Hurrah for reading 🙂 I’ve been reading reading reading for the past while and LOOOOOOOVE it! I’m planning to write more book reviews too! if you feel like blogging about what you’re reading I’d love to hear because I think we might have similar tastes!!! and also because I love yapping about books!!! 🙂 sending hugs and respect as ever to your wonderful self xxx Em

    Liked by 1 person

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