So I am back in my real life after Christmas and I am living on my own.
It’s been 3 days and I have purged, well, 3 of those 3 days. I haven’t binged, but I’ve definitely overeaten once I’ve given into the fact that I knew I would purge.
I have been doing so well in my recovery that I really thought I would cope with living on my own. I thought I was not purging because I was in control, not just because I didn’t have an opportunity. I’m really hoping that this is just a blip and I haven’t been wrong about this.
I have insight, I have skills, I should not be purging daily. Maybe it’s just all the changes and transition of the last few days. Maybe when I get my routine back in place I’ll be able to address the food stuff. In fact, it can’t be a maybe – I will get back on track. I don’t want this ill life for myself, I’ve been here before and I know the misery. There is far more to life than this.
I’m really hoping I can do this, I’m scared that this blip will stretch on and on, and that I won’t cope being on my own.
I just need to remember one step at a time, one day at a time. Regular meals. Fresh air. Mindfulness. Writing. Reaching out. Sleeping. That all needs to be my priority now.
I’m scared, but I know I can do this. It’s just not quite as easy as I thought.