Normalising over-indulgence

Tonight I ate sweets. Quite a lot of sweets, of the mini kind (stupid left over halloween sweets – I’m getting them out of the house tomorrow whether my boyfriend likes it or not!).

It was definitely a lot of sweets, and I definitely wasn’t hungry for them. I ate the first few for the taste of sugar, and then the next few as crazy ED brain goes ‘binge binge binge then you can purge them and that will purge dinner too then everything will be right with the world’.

Then I stopped. I could feel myself eating them in a way that was harmful to me and I gone beyond enjoyment. A small amount is a pleasure, but it’s a fine line before I do it in a way that makes me feel crap about myself. So I stopped and then had to deal with the full feelings that came.

I have over-indulged. But that’s okay. That happens sometimes. It’s a normal thing that occurs for people every now and again. I could purge, and believe me there’s a large bit of me that wants to, but then all I’m doing is teaching my brain and body that over-indulgence requires purging. And it doesn’t- this is a revelation to me! I over-indulged….so what?! I will digest it, this is not my everyday diet, I won’t balloon, it makes no difference to the good work that I did with the children today, or the nice date night time I had with my boyfriend, or the afternoon I had planned with friends tomorrow. I am not a bad person because I over-indulged. Even if you’re reading this thinking ‘oh I would never do that’ that’s fine-but it doesn’t make you a better person. What we eat or don’t eat has nothing to do with our contribution to mankind.

I am normalising my over-indulgence and I am going to bed on another day where reason triumphed over ED. Night all!

 

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7 thoughts on “Normalising over-indulgence

  1. Oh my god MQR I love this post so much I want to print it out and stick it up on my wall 🙂 this is so kick-ass ! I am going to copy and paste a few lines to put on a quote sheet I keep in my phone with things that help me stay grounded around eating – what you write about it not being your every day diet and it not meaning you’ll “balloon” – that’s so true and courageously stated – it’s something I know is going to help me – I ate some left over Halloween chocolate too and was totally bad ass about not compensating 😉 hurrah freedom ! X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yay for bad-ass bloggers! My old nurse (the okay ish one after the lovely lovely one) used to say to me over and over that fundamentally I’m a healthy eater (aside from ED) and that I was unlikely at this point to start eating takeaways and 10 bars of chocolate everyday and never exercise again, so that if I just ate abnormal healthy everything in moderation diet I would not end up overweight and that I just had to trust in that, that’s what I kept thinking after my ‘indulgence’, somehow she had managed to make it stuck in my brain!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Stopping in the middle of a binge is probably one of the hardest things to do! It is a great example of where you are in recovery. What a wonderful example to post and a great opportunity to share with others what is possible in recovery!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Do you know I didn’t even realise that’s what I did! *face palm* I stopped in the middle of a binge- I never thought I would be able to do that, and when I did I didn’t even see it! Thank you so much for pointing it out!

      Liked by 1 person

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