So my session today went as well as could be expected. She said ‘you’re restricting’ I said yes, she said ‘it will lead to binge purging’ I said yes, she said ‘you need to get back to structured eating’ I said ‘yes’ she said you need to increase your carbs’ I said ‘yes’, she asked if I could do that, I said no.
I know what I need to be doing but I can’t make myself do it. I told her I hated sessions like this as it’s just a waste of everyone’s time. I asked her could we do something else rather than just go back and forth on something I already know, and said no, that we need to get my weight and eating stable first. My goals are 3 meals 2 snacks a day – the same goals I’ve had since the beginning of time (well, ED recovery time!) and I’m fed up of it.
If I could manage the stupid eating part then I wouldn’t need help with the rest would I? Maybe if I felt better about my body I wouldn’t restrict to try lose weight, but she says I have to maintain normal eating first. If I could handle stress better I might be able to stick to routine, but she says I have to be able to do routine before we address the stress.
I have complete faith in her that she is an excellent counsellor, highly trained and experienced when it comes to ED. I know she is the professional here, but I just don’t get this bit, and it ends up with me going round and round in circles.
If I have a ‘bad’ few weeks behaviour wise we just have short sessions, in and out, get back on track, but if I’m doing well she’ll love me forward. Maybe the idea is to give me support for doing well rather than ‘indulging’ me in behaviours and attitudes I know are negative. So if I want to move on I just show her a good food diary, but how do I get back on track with that?
Argh, I’m stuck stuck stuck tonight. Would love to hear other people’s experiences of CBT stylee approaches and whether this sounds familiar?