I had a session with Lovely Counsellor this morning. She is pretty impressed with my progress and it felt good- I’m impressed with myself! Have been sticking to structured eating and have definitely noticed the return of the rational voice. It’s so good to feel it coming back as ED voice was definitely calling all the shots the last while.
Rational voice told me to eat breakfast before my appointment to test if it would make weighing horrendous. ED voice told me I would show 3 kilos heavier if I did. Guess what? I weighed the same!
Rational voice told me last night that I was under-fuelled for the day I had and that eating yoghurt and fruit on top of my dinner was a sensible (and tasty idea). ED voice told me that that would be like eating two meals in one go and I would balloon. I ate it, it filled me up, I slept better.
ED voice told me yesterday that everyone in my core class is skinnier than me and that I am a lesser person because of it. Rational voice noticed that I’m actually about the same size as three ladies there and the population of the class is not representative of the general population.
ED voice felt proud when my counsellor described my lunch as ‘very eating-disordered’. Rational me felt sad that I would make that the highlight of my day. So I can pack a funny lunch- big whoop- as if that is making the most of my life!
ED voice told me to lose weight over the next month until my appointment. Rational voice said let’s test it- let’s add in what I need and relax where I need to and let the scale (and more importantly my reaction to it) be the evidence when I get back.
ED me got a bit sad thinking that the more progress I make the less support I will get from Lovely Counsellor. Rational voice says that we’ll deal with that when the time comes, for now I have a safety net, I’m being supported, things are okay.
I like things being okay.
Has your rational voice been trying to tell you anything recently?