Lots of us have thought processes which are not supported by evidence.
“I couldn’t cope if I had to eat that”
“If I don’t purge now I’ll balloon”
“If I ate one more X a day I’d gain a stone in a month”
And so on and so on.
It’s not possible to recover without challenging some of these assumptions, and for me as a scientist (of the people kind rather than the chemical kind- think social scientist) the best way to do these is to test them out.
So this week on holidays I am sticking to my structured eating and where sensible I’m eating what other people are eating. Not entirely copying but when they had breakfast I have breakfast. We then had a snack instead of lunch as breakfast was late so I did the same. Then we had dinner and an ice cream (I didn’t go that far but I did taste a spoon!). And it’s another day done with no purging.
In some ways it feels like so much food, but then I remind myself that my friends ate the same-ish and they are not huge. Plus I swam and walked. My body needs fuel and having a holiday with a little extra fuel will not cause me to gain a zillion pounds and break the scale. I go back and forth on believing whether this is true or not or I can test it and get some actual evidence.
When I get home I will weigh myself and see what has changed. I might have gained but I am pledging not to freak and I will then be weighed by my counsellor a week later and I can see if it settles. Depending on the outcome I can make an informed decision on how to proceed.
I have been believing certain things for years and years about food body shape weight etc and at the end of the day I still have an eating disorder which makes me miserable.
It’s time to test out some alternative truths. Has anyone else done this (I think it is common in CBT-E)? Anyone else tempted to try?!