My new counsellor has brought something quite important up that I have been mulling over for the last few weeks. Having spent the last 5 hours binging and purging I’m coming to the realisation that if I ever am to really recover I need to take action on it.
She thinks I need to tell my boyfriend about my purging. She thinks I need to remove the secrecy in order to remove some of ED’s power. And I guess to reduce my opportunities to purge at home.
The boyfriend knows about my ED in theory. We first got together when I was in an anorexic phase and he was very tolerant of my behaviours and food avoidance. When I started regaining weight I did talk to him about having to fight binge/purging, but we never really spoke about it and haven’t ever since. I guess he still knows I’m somewhat funny about food, but we’re now living together and I have no idea if he knows about how regular the purging is.
I feel sick having to talk to him about it. I could just about handle telling him about restriction but binging and purging is a whole other issue. I’ve no idea how I’d even bring it up. I know he would just be worried about me and would never say if he was grossed out by it, but I basically have been keeping a giant disgusting lie from him for well over a year now – how do we deal with that?
If any of you have experience of telling boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends, wives or parents siblings roommates etc. – anyone you lived with – I could really do with some advice about how to broach the issue, and how to survive once it is out there?
I love my boyfriend, I really really do. And while I hate ED, to date that has been my longest most passionate relationship. How am I going to introduce them to each other?