Excuses

I’ve remembered what I was going to post about the other night before I got distracted by a general ramble!

Excuses. It was pointed out to be by my counsellor the other day about how any excuses I make about why I can’t eat the amount they want at the times they want. Ever since then I’ve been spotting them in my own talk/ thoughts and she is so right, I make A LOT of excuses.

For example, yesterday I had a slice of toast and peanut butter for breakfast. I couldn’t eat any more as I didn’t know if I would be having any more bread later (why couldn’t I just have eaten more than 2 slices in a day? excuse). I then went for a swim even though I knew I would also be running last night because I needed to wash my hair (why I couldn’t just have a shower? excuse). I then didn’t eat my morning snack on time because there was a queue in the cafe and I couldn’t get a coffee (I had my snack with me- why couldn’t I have just eaten it without the coffee?). I then ate my snack late so didn’t instead of eating lunch in one go I grazed on it all afternoon which made me feel bad (why couldn’t I have just left it a little later then eaten it as one? excuse). I then had a bowl of cereal when I got home and purged because I would have been too full for running (why didn’t I eat less? or just cope with running feeling full? excuse). I then bought a bar of chocolate on the way home knowing I was going to purge it- I just really wanted one (why couldn’t I have just not purged it if I wanted one?). I then purged dinner because I was up early for a flight this morning so I knew I’d want breakfast early so didn’t want to be too full from dinner (excuse).

It’s interesting to view these thoughts as excuses rather than reasons. I really feel like most of my decisions are well justified and well rationalised but when you write them all out like this, it does challenge this assumption somewhat. I need to stop making excuses and get on with what I know will help my recover.

Anyone else feel they might do this too? x

 

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8 thoughts on “Excuses

  1. We all do it for something. I’m the opposite of you though! I can’t go for a run because I’ll need to shower and I haven’t got time to do my hair….. But in the end when you spot the excuses you can make changes. I changed my hairstyle!

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  2. I always make excuses, normally it’s around stuff I don’t want to attend to like tax return or a night out that consists of a meal. I seem to remember revision was a big one! I’d find any excuse not to do it, cleaning the loo, cleaning the kitchen!! It was always obvious exam time because my house would be so clean you could eat your dinner off my kitchen floor!!

    But it’s true, this has highlighted a few of my very own excuse making recently and there is no excuse, I just need to get on it and stop making up bullshit. Xx

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  3. Oh my word, I think if any of us wrote a book on ED excuses we’d all have to peruse it to see if there’s any we actually haven’t used, lol. Sometimes when I’m blabbing on to my nutritionist I’ll suddenly stop, look at her, and say, “I’m making up an excuse, right?” She just smiles… She works with enough of us that I’m not sure there’s an excuse she hasn’t heard.

    One thing Ive found, and am curious if it’s happened to you too, is that the more aware I am, the less I’m able to use excuses and live with myself. I mean, I still have like a million but they are a million less than I had before.

    The other day I was going on and on to my sponsor about how tragic and hard everything was, giving every excuse in the book to justify my continued behavior and you know what his entire response was? “How’s that working for you?” I just had to laugh. It was such a perfect response to pull me out of my pity party, excuses and see a bit of reality. Now if only I can learn to say that to myself when I’m drowning in excuses….. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

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