I’ve remembered what I was going to post about the other night before I got distracted by a general ramble!
Excuses. It was pointed out to be by my counsellor the other day about how any excuses I make about why I can’t eat the amount they want at the times they want. Ever since then I’ve been spotting them in my own talk/ thoughts and she is so right, I make A LOT of excuses.
For example, yesterday I had a slice of toast and peanut butter for breakfast. I couldn’t eat any more as I didn’t know if I would be having any more bread later (why couldn’t I just have eaten more than 2 slices in a day? excuse). I then went for a swim even though I knew I would also be running last night because I needed to wash my hair (why I couldn’t just have a shower? excuse). I then didn’t eat my morning snack on time because there was a queue in the cafe and I couldn’t get a coffee (I had my snack with me- why couldn’t I have just eaten it without the coffee?). I then ate my snack late so didn’t instead of eating lunch in one go I grazed on it all afternoon which made me feel bad (why couldn’t I have just left it a little later then eaten it as one? excuse). I then had a bowl of cereal when I got home and purged because I would have been too full for running (why didn’t I eat less? or just cope with running feeling full? excuse). I then bought a bar of chocolate on the way home knowing I was going to purge it- I just really wanted one (why couldn’t I have just not purged it if I wanted one?). I then purged dinner because I was up early for a flight this morning so I knew I’d want breakfast early so didn’t want to be too full from dinner (excuse).
It’s interesting to view these thoughts as excuses rather than reasons. I really feel like most of my decisions are well justified and well rationalised but when you write them all out like this, it does challenge this assumption somewhat. I need to stop making excuses and get on with what I know will help my recover.
Anyone else feel they might do this too? x