I’m away at the moment for a work trip. Seeing as I was already struggling with structured eating at home with small changes to my routine I wasn’t that hopeful about how this week was going to go. Today has been a bit of a mess with travelling, but I have tried- I made my oats to eat in the airport this morning so I started my day well, and although I didn’t eat actual meals I had bought enough food with me to fill me up for snacks and lunch (hurrah for bananas , peanut butter and oatcakes!). I also bought some carrot sticks along the way when I felt my energy dropping. So far so good.
I then went for a long walk to explore as I’m in a part of Europe I’ve not been to before. I knew I needed to figure something out for dinner and was starting to become indecisive and a bit panicky about what to do, but then I happened across a great supermarket so I stocked up on 2 big salads (for tonight and tomorrow) and snacks such as tomatoes, blueberries, bananas and nuts . I also picked up some vegetarian jelly sweets and chocolate rice cakes which felt a little ‘naughty’ but they were small bags and I knew I had been walking for long enough to feel okay about them.
I came out of the supermarket feeling pretty impressed with myself – normally my eating would have gone hay wire as I wouldn’t have been so proactive about stocking up on safe foods. While in some ways it’s a bit disordered (in that I have found ‘safe foods’), in another way it’s quite normal to do a small shop while being away somewhere I think. Either way I have got rid of the ‘I have no food’ excuse for the next few days.
I started eating on the way home as I really hungry. I started well with a banana and tomatoes, but then ate the jelly sweets and then when home ate the rice cakes. I felt a bit ill afterwards- I know it’s not a binge but it did feel a little out of control. I had a nap though and while I could purge now I’m not going to as I know I needed the fuel. I’m not going to eat the salad as I don’t need it (I have eaten enough calories over the day) and it’s late now (11pm) but I’m having some peppermint tea and going to sleep off the day as I have been up since 3am!
It’s a bit crap that ED has to come away with me, but I’m trying to piss him off by having also packed my recovery mindset too. I have my oats and yoghurt in the fridge made up for the morning and a run route planned out to make the most of the sunshine before heading inside for the day-one day at a time- that’s all we can do.