I’ve been eating and throwing up all evening and I feel fat, sick and hopeless.
I wish someone could get rid of all food for me and just give me what I need when I need it and restrain me from eating at all other times.
I need to break this vicious cycle I’m in but I’m failing every time I try. I have no discipline, no willpower, everything I hate about myself is spread right in front of me every time I start eating.
These are the things I’ve tried:
Meal planning incl. shopping and arranging with boyfriend what meals we’ll have during the week.
Ensuring I have enough calories over a day.
Taking breaks from the desk to eat.
Making my breakfast and lunch the night before so it’s ready to go.
Not bringing money out with me so I can’t buy food.
Distraction – although I haven’t actually had much free time- I’ve been eating while at my computer working – or while with boyfriend and then secret extras.
Ugh. I’m so ashamed of myself. I need a boost to kick start me, but my mood is too flat for me to make that happen. Bulimia and depression are far too good friends, they have completely smothered me.
Anyone got any wisdom on how they have managed stretches like this?