Decisions

I’m just finished work and am now debating my next move. I’m posting as I’m deliberating between one good option and one terrible option.

Option 1.go to gym. I have gear with me. I didn’t go this morning as wanted to get into work early. I could either do a speed session on treadmill, run outside, do a strength session it go for a swim. It’s a beautiful evening but I’m not pushed about outside running for some strange reason but other options are okay. I would then go home make dinner for Boy and I and pack as I’m away for weekend. The pros of this are- I feel better after a work out, I won’t feel guilty after dinner, I can do some push ups as still trying to build up to one real one (weakling!). The cons are I’m tired, I’d be late home to make dinner (and I offered) and effort is involved in getting change etc. Tiny cons really!

Option2. Go home via shops, buy doughnuts and banana milk, binge and purge. Would have to be quick as boyfriend would get home, or he might already be home in which case I would have to hide purchases, I’d get a buzz after and would make dinner and pack, but would then crash later. Pros are that I get to eat doughnuts and that I get to feed the urge which means no fighting it. That’s it really. Cons are boy might be home already so I would have to hide purchases, he might get home during it so would need to be ready to cover up by running shower, I’d probably still be late making dinner, I’d feel awful after, I’d have wasted money, I would have consumed extra calories.

So we all know option 1 is best – and I am going to put my phone away now and head to gym. There is option 3 of just going home without binge/purging but if boy isn’t at home I know it would happen. Imagine how much spare time I would have if I didn’t have to fight this mental battle numerous times a day? Only way out is through though and every time I resist I get stronger. On days like this when I have the capacity to make better choices I need to honour myself by making them.

If anyone else is considering binging/purging tonight (or morning wherever you are!) I hope I can share some good choice fairy dust with you! 

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