How we speak to ourselves

I was tidying up my room this evening and as my boyfriend is out I decided to pull out my box of journals. I found the following entry from this day 2 years ago and was so sad to read the horrible word that were going through my head at the time:

(My BMI), disgusting. Weak, lazy, fat, horrible you. You are completely in control of that and it is your poor choices that have gotten you here. (My weight). Gross. I can’t believe you let her see that. Lazy pig. Unfit and gross. Your horrible fat lazy self. Your stupid weak mind that means you don’t do your work and you don’t know what you’re doing. Stop wasting everyone’s time and either lose the weight or kill yourself already. FAT FAT FAT FAT stupid stupid stupid horrible you. 

I wish there was some way of apologising to myself from two years ago. I guess the only way I can do that is to be kind to myself now. We’re all only human. We can only do the best with the capacities we’ve got at the time. My weight does not make me stupid, or horrible, or lazy. It is just a number.

I’m making a pledge to stop speaking to myself like that, at whatever weight I am. For those of you who hear the same negative voices, please try to ignore them. Please be nicer to yourself. Let the kindness in.


10 thoughts on “How we speak to ourselves

  1. I think it can be so powerful to physically write down what we say to ourselves in our heads. It’s one thing to hear it go through your mind, another thing to stare at the words on the paper. It makes us realize, wow, I would never say this to another person. And yet it can be so hard to stop talking to ourselves this way. I have my fair share of journal entries that don’t sound much nicer. Good for you for the progress you’ve made in just two years.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly!! I don’t know why we think it’s okay to talk that way to ourselves if we wouldn’t say it to someone else. It’s a tough habit to break but we can do it!


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