I saw my physio today as my pain has worsened. I can barely walk without pain now. His estimation of recovery time is now a vague ‘weeks at the least’ and I am to stop all activity for 2 weeks to let my body tell me whats wrong.
No activity for two weeks.
You can imagine the reaction in my head. Outwardly I just fell silent. Well, after I got him to clarify that no activity mean only gentle walking without pain, not swimming, not yoga, not weights, not anything (I was desperately bargaining as you can imagine…)
He said to rest and be still.
I’m not sure I can. I mean, I can, but what happens with eating? Calories? Fat? what’s in and out? what’s burnt by being still? What will happen to my metabolism? My head has gone crazy with the numbers and worry. I replaced lunch with a coffee as I couldn’t figure it out. It shouldn’t be this hard. I know restricting will just lead to b/p-ing, but I’m petrified of binging as I know the purging won’t get rid of enough- I used exercise to do that. I lack the willpower now to restrict properly, so do I just accept the weight gain? Will I gain weight? Maybe I won’t? Will a few weeks make a difference? round and round the crazy voices go.
I just need to breathe. And do structured eating. And trust the process. And avoid the scale. And focus on my physical recovery. This is a bigger test than I was ready for. Sh*t.