Sometimes all we need to focus on is getting though one day at a time. All I really needed to today was get myself on a bus, on a plane, on a train and back home. I needed to eat enough to do that and to be a polite, civil person to the people I encountered along the way. I made a deal with myself that I could purge if I wanted, that I could rest on the journey rather than try and work, that I could ignore all phone calls/ messages and that I would have an early night.
Most days I have fight in me and I’ll push for recovery and push myself to do work and push myself to be respond to texts and push myself to do housework, but today I gave myself permission to just do the bare minimum and to just get myself from A to B and then hide in bed when I got there.
This strategy worked today. Amazingly there has been no purging. I made it home. I changed the bed sheets. I sent some emails that were long overdue. I texted my friends back. I’ve not managed the early night but I have been in bed so it’s somewhat restful. Setting myself low expectations meant that I have exceeded them and feel okay about myself. I guess this is self-care.
I don’t know if this is a strategy for every day, as I feel I wouldn’t get all the things I need to do done if I was like this everyday, but that very thought challenges me to think do those things really need doing? What is really urgent and critical and what could be left to slide? I’ve worked quite hard on not being a perfectionist/overdo-er the last few years but maybe it’s something I need to look at again.
For now though, I’m going to go brush my teeth and listen to a relaxation app and get some sleep. I can feel Monday’s stress already coming over me but I am trying my best to let it drift over me.
Sending you all calm thoughts for a peaceful week ahead…