Throwing it away

I’ve been training for my next marathon for 16 weeks now. I’ve run in the wet, the wind, the snow, the dark…many variations of winter weather. I’ve gotten up at silly o’clock, I’ve chosen running over socialising when needed and I have made my poor little legs more tired than they have ever been. I have given it a good effort because I wanted to see what I could do while healthy.

But as the race edges closer and work stress and life stress have pummelled me I’m close to undoing all my hard work. I’m purging daily or more and I can’t seem to snap out of it. I just need to stay healthy for a few more weeks, I’m so close now I can’t believe I’m letting ED in. What will all that hard work have been for if I throw it all away in the last couple of weeks?

The purging isn’t a weight thing, a number thing or a shape thing, it is just that I’m down and stressed and it’s my go-to option when that happens. But it’s not helping and it needs to stop. I want to get to that start line feeling like I’ve earned a shot at a good time, not feeling dehydrated, nauseous and angry at myself.

Just a few more weeks. I just need to hang on for a few more weeks. Deep breaths.

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