Taking its toll 

I just purged and I’m now lying on my bed feeling awful. I had to sit down in the shower after as I felt so nauseous still even after everything was gone, and now I just feel wiped. I have jobs to do- need to get lunch sorted for tomorrow, need to put on a wash, need to dry my hair etc but I don’t think I can pull myself together to do it.

Purging used to make me feel clean, it would give me a boost, afterwards I’d have a spurt of energy and I’d always br stupidly productive in the hour following a purge. Now I just feel tired and sad.

I can feel the illness taking its toll. It’s nothing acute, or critical or dangerous, but just a slow degrading of my body. Eating properly has got my body mostly on track, but I’m kidding myself if I think I can be fully healthy if I keep purging.

I have cut it down to a bare amount, and I’m so proud of myself for that, but I feel like I will forever be stuck with this last little bit, and my poor tired body is having to put up with it.

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5 thoughts on “Taking its toll 

  1. The last bits, whatever they are, are always the hardest to conquer. I truly believe you can do it though. Try and use that utter despair at the illness to motivate you. Your Eating disorder is continuing to suck the life slowly from you. You’ve come so far but you can most definitely go that little bit further xx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. So frustrating I know. But it doesn’t detract from your valiant winning over this disease. You are actually on top of this bast@rd. I think these are the final death throes of an evil adversary who knows their number is up. Lots of supportive hugs. We are all rooting for you xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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