I’m going away with a colleague tomorrow for a work thing. 4 whole days of eating meals together. My anxiety is through the roof. I’ll want to eat only safe foods, but I know that will bring attention to me. Actually I’ll probably want to eat some of the nice foods that will be available, but the that will just bring on the guilt. And no purging, definitely no purging. I really really really want to make it through with no purging as we’ll be sharing a bathroom.
Argh, this is stressful and trips away should not be stressful. I’m going to keep to my run schedule as I know that will help, both with some time alone and feeling like I can bank some calories as needed. These are old thoughts for me, I shouldn’t be thinking like this. I think it’s just I don’t know the friend that well so my default setting is to be very careful of what I eat in front of others, but then that inevitably fails and I’ll eat more than I allowed myself and then beat myself up about it. If I know this, I can act on it.
I need to:
-eat three meals and three snacks a day as usual
-eat a ‘treat’ if I really want it and feel like it, but be mindful of the decision and then move on from it
-be present so I don’t focus only on food
-remind myself that 4 days out of schedule will not make me balloon
-breathe—> that always helps!
-and enjoy myself, this should be the easy part!