Yesterday I got the bus home at the end of my long run. I’d not been feeling great when I went out but I was down to do a 22 miler so I really wanted to get it done. I lasted 8 miles before turning around as I felt so awful, and running another 7 until I could get a bus. The bus man told me I was cheating by getting the bus and I burst into tears. I got home and sat in the shower as I was too tired to stand, then got out and cried to my boyfriend.
I felt so rough, yet felt so awful for not finishing my run. Thing is I’ve been doing great with my training and know that had I not been ill I would have loved the run. I just wasn’t well enough. But that didn’t stop my mind beating myself up about it for the rest of the day. The truth is though I listened to my body and not finishing that run was the best thing I could have done for myself.
I often wage this battle in my head about what is strength and what is weakness. Is cutting a run short strong or weak? Is spending a day in bed strong or weak? Is eating certain foods strong or weak? On and on this battle rages.
Fact is life isn’t really broken into strength and weakness that way. I don’t know when or how I got so caught up in what makes me a strong person and why makes me a weak person. I’m just me, one person who can’t be divided up in that way. I’m really going to try to stop thinking about my actions in that way and instead reframe it as ‘is this good for me?’
So, today I’m sick, would running the miles I missed yesterday be good for me to do on my rest day? No!
Would watching trashy tv all day be good for me? For a little while yes, but not all day and that will stop me sleeping tonight so I should do some small easy jobs around the house.
Would snacking all day rather than eating proper meal be good for me? No.
It’s worth a shot anyway! If you catch me writing about strength and weakness again feel free to call me on it!