My body is wobbly. It’s always been wobbly and I’ve hated it for that. The last few years though I was on top of the wobbliness, but I know that was in a way that wasn’t healthy. Now I’m healthy, but I’m wobbly.
I’m now a bit stuck, because I’m wobbly again and I hate it. I cried in the car home today because someone posted a picture of a race and I look HUGE in it. This is the second photo in a week that I have seen of myself and wanted to hurt myself over. I’m going bridesmaid dress shopping in a few weeks and I’m dreading it: it should be a special day for my friend but I don’t know how I’m going to cope with being in front of a mirror with her pretending I’m not disgusted by what I see.
The thing is that I only know one way to deal with this. I know that dropping my calories and upping my exercise would do the trick if I gave it enough time. However I also know that that is also a surefire way to let ED back into my life (if it’s not already ED talking).
What’s the alternative? This is a genuine question as I really do not know! Do I just stay like this and hope for a miracle that at some point I will stop hating it? Do I compromise and try and ‘tone up’ a little?
I know I don’t need to lose weight. I also kind of know that I need to not lose weight. Yet I really don’t want to have to spend all day worrying about my wobble.
I’m a bit stuck, and my wobbly outside is making me wobbly inside! I’m hoping a good nights sleep will help. zzzzz