I’ve realised that I’m going to have to have a difficult conversation with a friend and it’s kind of stressing me out!
I won’t write too much about it here but I’m getting concerned that she’s becoming too focused on health eating and fitness. I’m a little worried for her in terms of her health but I also am starting to find the increase in conversations about this kind of stuff hard for me.
We know each other through sport so a lot of our mutual topics are around fitness but it’s starting to focus far more on food and body. She wants to discuss the merits of sugar free recipes and increase in strength reps etc. etc. but I just cannot keep getting engaged in that kind of talk. If I let that kind of talk into my life again I’m afraid it will just grow and grow and eventually morph into attempts to lose weight leading to restriction and more eating disordered behaviours. I would love to lose weight, tone up etc. but to do so means making a far bigger choice about how to live my life and I know how that story goes. It’s not fun.
I don’t want to lose this friendship but I don’t want to keep having conversations like this, I’m not firm enough in recovery to cope with it yet. I do keep repeating ‘everything in moderation’ ‘rest days are important’ ‘everyone’s bodies are different’ etc. but I think I’m at the point now that I want to explain why these conversations aren’t good for me. I also want to make sure that she is really okay and that I’m there to support her if not.
If it was just about offering her support I think it would be easier, but I do think it’s important that I say it for me also, even if that sounds a bit selfish. I need to value my recovery and sometimes that means putting these kind of boundaries in place. Eek! Scary and difficult but important I think.