A difficult conversation

I’ve realised that I’m going to have to have a difficult conversation with a friend and it’s kind of stressing me out!

I won’t write too much about it here but I’m getting concerned that she’s becoming too focused on health eating and fitness. I’m a little worried for her in terms of her health but I also am starting to find the increase in conversations about this kind of stuff hard for me.

We know each other through sport so a lot of our mutual topics are around fitness but it’s starting to focus far more on food and body. She wants to discuss the merits of sugar free recipes and increase in strength reps etc. etc. but I just cannot keep getting engaged in that kind of talk. If I let that kind of talk into my life again I’m afraid it will just grow and grow and eventually morph into attempts to lose weight leading to restriction and more eating disordered behaviours. I would love to lose weight, tone up etc. but to do so means making a far bigger choice about how to live my life and I know how that story goes. It’s not fun.

I don’t want to lose this friendship but I don’t want to keep having conversations like this, I’m not firm enough in recovery to cope with it yet. I do keep repeating ‘everything in moderation’ ‘rest days are important’ ‘everyone’s bodies are different’ etc. but I think I’m at the point now that I want to explain why these conversations aren’t good for me. I also want to make sure that she is really okay and that I’m there to support her if not.

If it was just about offering her support I think it would be easier, but I do think it’s important that I say it for me also, even if that sounds a bit selfish. I need to value my recovery and sometimes that means putting these kind of boundaries in place. Eek! Scary and difficult but important I think.

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3 thoughts on “A difficult conversation

  1. It’s not selfish!! You need to take care of you too! I had this same issue at work! These ladies always talked about their diets–which was basically starvation. Their diets were like my eating disorder. And I found it offensive and triggeringZ I didn’t tell them that because it’s none of their business and I didn’t want them to know my personal life like that. But I did ask them to refrain from talking about dieting because all that talk was upsetting to others is what I said.

    And one can’t let it go. She’s obsessed because she doesn’t like that I’ve lost weight [healthily so–when I eat I lose weight when I starve I gain]. So she always comments how it’s not fair that I eat and lose weight and I deserve to be fat. And I look at her and I tell her that it’s not appropriate and she should listen to Thumper’s dad [from Bambi].

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  2. That sounds super tough for you. I would say it’s definitely not selfish to look out for yourself and look after yourself by having that difficult conversation. It’s important to put yourself and your recovery first and foremost because you need to be able to move forwards in your recovery and get stronger. Take care x

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  3. It is not at all selfish. You have to do what is best for you and your recovery!!!! And also maybe even help her in the process. Its very hard when these situations occur in friendships but hopefully you can do things together maybe outside of fitness etc? Hope you are ok xxx

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