Freedom to hang out with ED

I moved in with my boyfriend this year. It’s been fantastic and I love that we’ve taken this step and made this commitment to each other. But…I have to admit it is hard work food-wise sometimes. He’s currently in the kitchen making dinner but all I really want to do is overeat chocolate and purge. I’m ashamed of myself that I’d prefer him to go out so I could left alone with ED.

I don’t know why this is and I’m feeling overwhelmed by the urges. I ate enough today so it’s not that. I did have to give someone some bad news so that’s bothering me a little and I’m tired which doesn’t help. I know riding out the urge will reduce their power and strengthen my ability to manage them in the future, but knowing that doesn’t make me feel any better about the urges right now.

I’m a bit grumpy about it all aren’t I?! I have a nice weekend ahead so just need to hold on through tonight and have faith in feeling better tomorrow. I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to lose if I keep choosing ED, so I will keep on keeping on and go enjoy a pleasant evening with the boy.

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9 thoughts on “Freedom to hang out with ED

  1. That’s so wonderful that you and your boyfriend live together! It’s fun to have your best friend around all the time. I definitely know what you mean about how it’s hard to live with your boyfriend and ED though. I would suggest being as honest as you can with your boyfriend about how difficult ED is sometimes for you. If you don’t, it may snowball into something you feel like you have to hide all the time. Maybe your boyfriend can help you when the ED voices get really loud.

    I’m glad to have found your blog! I recovered from my ED last year and wrote about it. You can read my story on my blog if you like. I’m happy to be your support anytime….full recovery is real!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting, I know being honest is the best policy but I find it so hard to talk about it. I couldn’t get the link to your blog to work unfortunately but well done on your recovery.

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  2. i can definitely relate this. i had a hard time when my boyfriend moved in as well. not enough room for both ed and the boy to coexist. but eventually it got easier as I opened up to him more about my e.d. hang in there, friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Can you tell him about the urges you’re experiencing and ask him to sit with you/distract you/go out with you so that you physically can’t do it?? Glad you’re writing about it, but I’m sorry you’re going through this 😦

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    1. This is a sensible suggestion that never entered my mind! I just don’t feel comfortable talking about it though, he does know about the ED but only really the ‘not eating part’ I’m far more secretive about the overeating/ purging part. Maybe I do need to be more honest with him though.

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  4. Reblogged this on Ed Sucks At Life and commented:
    I know what you mean. I love my husband with all my heart, but ED hates it. Like I really wish I could I could just starve and eat very little and finally lose weight again, but I can’t cuz we eat dinner together every night. And I don’t want him to starve just cuz I don’t wanna eat, but I grrr I wish I could not eat without lying to him/him worrying about me. And it’s dumb because he loves me so much, no matter how I look. And ED doesn’t care about me at all…why do we pick him over the people who actually care about us?

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  5. Pingback: Freedom to hang out with ED | Through The Winter

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