Mid-binge

I’m mid-binge. Three bowls of cereal down. I think I’m full enough now that I’ll stop. I’m aware of what I’m doing, and I have spread the bowls out over an hour so it hasn’t been completely out of control,  but I’ve still chosen to go ahead. It’s likely I’ll purge. I don’t want to ruin my 29 day streak but I kind of have already by binging. It could have been way worse but I’m disappointed in myself. I know I need to dissect things but I can’t face it now.

I need to use this to remind me that I do not want to go back to this being a daily occurrence. Sigh.

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4 thoughts on “Mid-binge

  1. Sitting with you if you like x you’ll always have that 29 days in the bag – nothing you do now can cancel that achievement or take away the strength & courage it took to get here xx try & hang on & put off purging and if you can’t be gentle, put it behind you & know that you can start again afresh xx you’re doing something incredibly difficult & I’m behind you no matter what xx freedom from ed x

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    1. Thank you, it’s weirdly reassuring that some out there in the world knows what’s going on! I purged, but just a little (only those with an ED can understand that concept I think!) and now I feel a little sad but also very motivated for it not to happen again. Thanks for the reminder that it doesn’t take away from the past month, I needed to hear that. Hope you’re doing okay x

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  2. Hey! That’s progress. And don’t like your ED tell you otherwise. You did a couple great things here that you definitely need to give yourself credit for. You stopped in the middle of it to blog/journal which is very hard to do. And secondly, only purging a little is a huge accomplishment. I have been there too–you start to purge and then stop which still feels bad because you purged, but is great progress because ED logic tells you if you already purged a little, why not purge everything? I think you’re doing great! Slip ups do not take away from tons of progress. I am about a month or so purge free too! I stopped counting. Proud of you and keep up the good work. XX

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  3. Don’t look at the binge and focus on that rather than the 29 days you’ve experienced some freedom from it.. It’s easy to zoom in and become overwhelmed.
    Not sure if you’ve heard it all before bt it’s so important to remember that a LAPSE is just that, a lapse… Not a RELAPSE. It’s a little slip. That’s all.
    Keep your eyes on the success you’ve made. You are in recovery still. Don’t give up! We’re all rooting for you and here to listen and read.

    firefly
    xx

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