Chocolate peanuts-round 2

I’m sitting here feeling full and sick after eating a whole bag of chocolate peanuts. Why does that sound familiar? Oh yeah, because I did the exact same thing on Wednesday. How many times do I have to repeat the same mistakes before I learn from them and make better choices?

I popped into the shops to get essentials. I knew I was going to get something sweet as I had been wanting something all day but I was really certain I wasn’t going to binge on them. I had a small handful in the car and another small handful when I got home. I put them away then and felt really good about it and in control and then about 30 minutes later I thought ‘I’ll just have a couple more’ and boom, there goes the whole bag. 1000 calories and 80 g fat. Urgh.

I very nearly purged but I know that if I do I will think it is an answer, and it’s not the right one. The right one is not to eat until I feel sick. The right answer is the action which leads me closer to recovery so I’m here blogging instead. I’m running a half marathon tomorrow so at least that will burn off some calories (I know I shouldn’t be thinking like that but it does make me feel less panicky now).

Although this is not the ideal situation, two weeks go I would have purged without giving it a second thought so this is progress even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Hard work this recovery lark though!

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3 thoughts on “Chocolate peanuts-round 2

  1. As someone who also struggles with EDs, let me just say that you are stronger than it! I have spent 6 years trying to keep myself out of the cycle of bingeing and (in my case) starving, or just plain bingeing/just plain restricting, and while there are days of struggle, I have found that it is possible to get better. Keep on fighting the good fight! You’ve got this.

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  2. Pingback: Chocolate peanuts round 3 | myquietroar

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