I saw my GP yesterday for a prescription refill and a quick general catch up. She knew about the tearful session I’d had with my ED nurse last week so was straight in to reassure me that it’s okay for me to have some blips and that this is to be expected. I get panicked sometimes that I’m not recovering fast enough, and that the support will be pulled from under me before I’m ready to go alone (I think I’m also afraid of recovering as I will I no longer have professional support, but this is another post!). However, my GP (an expert in EDs) is realistic about how long recovery can take and that we’re not aiming for perfect and speedy, we’re just aiming for better than before, being further along the road and sometimes even if it’s just sitting in a heap on the side of the road that I at least turn my head to look at the direction I want to be going in.
We all make choices everyday in recovery (and in illness too I guess)- this doesn’t mean we cause our problems, or we’re not trying hard enough or that sometimes we’re not capable of making the right decisions (starvation, binging, purging etc. will do that to you)-but it does mean that every single day we have the opportunity to focus on the direction we want to be going. For me, this is in the direction of an ED free future. I may not be there yet, it may still be a tough road ahead, but it certainly looks brighter than the horror of my ED immersed past.
Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.