I am chasing a sub4 marathon. I’m just a few minutes off- so close and yet so far. I’m toying with the idea of signing up for an event in September but I’m having trouble figuring out if it’s a good idea or not.
Some back story first.. I ran two marathons last year, one in Spring which I entered as a group of us were doing it and one in Autumn as it was an international race which coincided with a holiday abroad.
The training for the Spring Marathon went fine until I descended into anorexia relapse and then (kind of) fainted during the race. I finished it though and once I realised I wasn’t going to PB actually had a really fun time. I worked my socks off for the Autumn race and came agonising close to my PB, but I didn’t fuel enough and ran out of steam at mile 23. My other race times (including a 10k pb set today!) suggest I have a sub4 within me, I just need to be disciplined enough to make it happen. I also need to stay well enough to make it happen- and this is where the confusion of my ED comes in.
The Autumn race last year was really good motivation to stop/reduce purging, I was sick and tired of regretting every purge as soon as I started to run. Running and purging do not mix. However, the purging is back with quite a frequency so perhaps signing up for another marathon would be good in that respect?
I also find I’m more motivated to run when I’m training for something specific, and a specific time. Regular running is incredible for my mood (hello endorphins!) so maybe signing up would get me out more?
My body image is always better when I’m running regularly, and it makes eating an awful lot easier.
Plus I really want to run sub4 so that sways me towards entering too!
However, this is the rub….
I’m afraid another marathon is too much pressure and I don’t need that now
I need to learn to eat and cope with stress without running marathons
The training will be a big commitment, will that replace recovery as my priority?
I’ll be really frustrated if I don’t get sub4.
It’s hard to do what is best to do, and to figure out what are my thoughts and what is an ED trap.
I’m leaning towards doing it but just hoping it’s not a terrible idea! Argh!