I’ve been having a bit of a ‘lapse’ lately. Or maybe I’ve pressed pause on recovery, or it feels something like that. I stopped making it my priority, stopped checking in with myself about how things really are, have been consistently ‘on the go’ and therefore have been able to justify a hectic eating schedule and sleep pattern. Then I had an appointment with my ED nurse and realised I a) was pretty down b) had self harmed twice (when I haven’t in months) c) am purging everyday/ every second day d) have abandoned my meal plan and e) have lost (a very small) amount of weight.
I need to stop and take stock of where things are and I recognise now what has happened. I am so much better than I was a few months ago, and probably better than I have been in forever in some ways, but I still need to work at it. I got complacent and things came crashing down.
I know what I need to do so I will implement that over the next two weeks before my next appointment. Recovery has to be my priority, and I need to plan every day around recovery. Not work, not sports, not friends, not boyfriend, but recovery. It won’t always be this way, but for now it is.
I feel very lucky to have such wonderful support from my ED nurse and my GP and I am determined not to waste this chance. Picking myself up, brushing myself off and getting going again…