I’m due to see my ED nurse at the end of next week and I am already anxious about being weighed.
I know I’ve put on weight and I know I’m at a normal bmi so I really don’t see the necessity of getting on a scale we can both stare at those horrible numbers.
However I also know that I in the past when I’ve refused to be weighed I have lost weight so I can see why she wouldn’t trust me. I’m aware the level of anxiety around weighing is a sign ED is alive and well in me. I also know that they keep detailed records so they can rigorously evaluate the programme so they can show evidence for its success and continue to receive funding. I’m also confident my nurse wouldn’t make me do anything she didn’t think was good for me.
Despite all this though I woke up at 5am panicking about getting on the scales next week and wondering if I should just cut down a little but so the numbers won’t be so horrific. It’a going to stress me out all week.
Sigh, why is it that what I weigh can mean so much to me?