Behaviour-free day at home

My appointment with my nurse got cancelled this morning so I decided to spend the day at home as I didn’t need to be out and about.

I had the house to myself and a while ago this would have resulted in at least one episode of b/p, and most likely a continuous stream of it throughout the day. Today though I managed to fight it, and while the day’s not quite over I’m nicely full from dinner and I’m feeling fine about the couple of hours before bed.

There was a 2 hour period after lunch where I really had to resist the urge to binge. I had veggie chilli for lunch but still felt hungry. I think it was fake hunger rather than real hunger but my lunch portion was small so I added a pitta bread and peanut butter as dessert and justified it to myself. I then set my mind to distracting myself as at this point I easily could have kept eating or decided to purge then to stop myself eating more.

It was really freaking hard to resist, I know I go on about this a lot but ‘sitting with the feeling’ and ‘riding the wave’ come nowhere close to the mental power (and agony) needed to resist behaviours.

However, I managed to distract myself by copy-editing documents and reminded myself that I could have a mid-afternoon snack as it was scheduled so I just had to wait until then. Turns out I didn’t need it though as once I got passed the urge to binge I just felt full enough from lunch. Now I’ve just had dinner, plus a yoghurt and almonds for dessert and I’m feeling okay.

I don’t really understand why sometimes I feel such a need to use behaviours when at other times I don’t. My thoughts about today are that I was maybe trying to avoid some work stuff I had to do earlier whereas now I feel that I’ve earned a nice evening having completed what I needed to do. Who knows, and right now I’m not bothered about thinking too much about it, I’m just glad to chalk it as a win and enjoy my evening!

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One thought on “Behaviour-free day at home

  1. WELL DONE 🙂 Really happy for you, and just think hopefully with time these urges will get weaker as your brain gets used to not doing the habits. Again well done, lots of love

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