My appointment with my nurse got cancelled this morning so I decided to spend the day at home as I didn’t need to be out and about.
I had the house to myself and a while ago this would have resulted in at least one episode of b/p, and most likely a continuous stream of it throughout the day. Today though I managed to fight it, and while the day’s not quite over I’m nicely full from dinner and I’m feeling fine about the couple of hours before bed.
There was a 2 hour period after lunch where I really had to resist the urge to binge. I had veggie chilli for lunch but still felt hungry. I think it was fake hunger rather than real hunger but my lunch portion was small so I added a pitta bread and peanut butter as dessert and justified it to myself. I then set my mind to distracting myself as at this point I easily could have kept eating or decided to purge then to stop myself eating more.
It was really freaking hard to resist, I know I go on about this a lot but ‘sitting with the feeling’ and ‘riding the wave’ come nowhere close to the mental power (and agony) needed to resist behaviours.
However, I managed to distract myself by copy-editing documents and reminded myself that I could have a mid-afternoon snack as it was scheduled so I just had to wait until then. Turns out I didn’t need it though as once I got passed the urge to binge I just felt full enough from lunch. Now I’ve just had dinner, plus a yoghurt and almonds for dessert and I’m feeling okay.
I don’t really understand why sometimes I feel such a need to use behaviours when at other times I don’t. My thoughts about today are that I was maybe trying to avoid some work stuff I had to do earlier whereas now I feel that I’ve earned a nice evening having completed what I needed to do. Who knows, and right now I’m not bothered about thinking too much about it, I’m just glad to chalk it as a win and enjoy my evening!