What’s different this year?

I love new years. Not new year’s eve but new year’s day. New year’s eve generally causes me to panic that a new year is starting but I still have an eating disorder and still get depressed and nothing will ever change. But then dawn breaks on January 1st and I am filled with hope and optimism. First day of the year, first day of the month, fresh start, clean slate.

I have some specific goals and resolutions but in general all I can do is pledge to try harder this year than I did the year before. And for that to happen, things need to be different this year than last year and I need to be different. So are they? Am I?

-I have professional support this year, in the form of a fantastic GP and a wonderful ED nurse.

-I have a lovely boyfriend who knows about my issues and is willing to support me however I need.

-I have been honest with my friends, and in doing so have taken the power from ED and have opened up a whole other world of support and understanding

-I’m working rather than studying and thus external stressors are lower than last year

-I’m not trying to lose weight. This is going to be the key to recovery for me I feel.

-The range of foods I’m eating is far wider and I understand the necessity of eating enough to keep my body (and my life) going.

-I have resisted signing up for any endurance events or setting any time goals for running/swimming/cycling/triathlon. This is to give my body a break, and to give more time to make recovery a priority. I love sports, but sometimes I use events as a justification for putting off recovery. I will recover…. and then do an ironman 😉

-I am willing to accept the failures that come with trying. I know it’s not going to be a straight road but I’m willing to pick myself up and dust myself off when I fall,or when I just need to give up and throw myself a pity party every now and again.

-I’m getting enough sleep, and sleep is very useful for leading a positive life!

-I am developing my ability to say no to things that I don’t want to do/don’t have time to do, and say yes to things that make me happy

-And last, but certainly least, I have discovered some wonderful bloggers who I am learning lots from and continually being motivated by!

I’m realistic, I know these things aren’t going to result in immediate and sustained recovery, but if I can’t have hope at the beginning of the year then I’m really screwed!

Happy new year everyone, show 2015 what you’re made of!

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