I met a friend for a cuppa this morning (an amazing friend who is ED knowledgeable and all round awesome) and I told her what was going on. I told her I was buying binge food, I told her I was throwing up in plastic bags in my room, I told her I was cancelling plans so I could binge, I told her that I had been discharged from ED service for lack of motivation but that I was dying to change I just didn’t know how. I just don’t know how. I know all the theory, I can tell you strategy after strategy but I am still bulimic and I am miserable.
She thinks I need to be this honest with the ED service about the bulimia. We figured out that might be why I started to withdraw from it. Writing food diaries and being weighed is awful enough when you’re restricting and losing weight but when you’re binging and gaining weight it is just pure torture (I’ll save my rant about bulimia being a second class eating disorder for another time, but it does come back to this a lot). I have been at this point before, when I swap from restricting to binging and I just don’t want to face up to it, but maybe this is what I need to do differently to move me forward. I need to do something different and this is my best guess for the moment. I have a doc appointment soon so I will talk to her about starting back (service said I could re-refer myself at anytime- wonder if they knew this is what I would do?!). I have to try something right?